Thursday, September 4, 2008


knock knock, open the door! Call the police there are people outside wanting to get in the house. Hurry call the police!!! Look see there they are out there in the street. They have guns!! Call the police. Call the police! See them they are getting closer. Call the police!!!

It was 1am in the morning. The knock was from my son on my bedroom door. He saw men outside our home trying to get in to kill us. No one was out there.

The next day I got up and went to work. I left work early to take him to the county dr. They put him on risperidone. It's a drug given to people with paranoia. I fight with him everyday to take his meds and its been very unpleasant. I want him to get well.

He has seen one therapist who doubled his dose. It makes him very edgy and he can't sleep. They also prescribed a benadryl for sleeping. He went yesterday for a physical. He is afraid of the side effects of the drugs. Tomorrow he goes back to the therapist, hopefully they will have the results of all the blood work. It

He doesn't want to take the drugs. Now his body vomits an hour after he takes them. He wants to be well without the meds. I want him to be well. I'm afraid he is making me sick.

I choose to concentrate my energy on making sure he is okay. My weekends I spend with him. I rarely take any time for me. After I get home from work I get dinner for us. We eat and go for a walk. He takes a shower. Tries to lay down to sleep and can't sleep. Danny Jason and I are doing the best we can to be patient and understanding. I feel like I'm crawling into a shell. It is scary for me.


The Muse said...

From the bottom of my heart you are loved. I am with you in thought, in spirit and in love my dear friend Raquel.

We are here for you as you need us...and so hope and pray that each day which passes gives you strength and your son an inner peace.

I love you Raquel!

Melissa said...

My heart goes out to you and your family Raquel! I will keep you in my prayers. We are here for you and you can lean on us if you need to.

All my love,

Debbie said...

My dear friend, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for strength for you & your family. I pray that the dr.'s will find the correct meds that will help your son. Remember your friends are with you in spirit and that they love you. Paranoia is a very scary thing to happen to someone and to the family trying to deal with it. We went through something similiar a few years ago with a close cousin of mine. To the person with paranoia - they are confused by the very real event that is happening to them, they are scared. They don't understand why no one else sees it. It is quite common for them not to want the meds. I will pray and pray and then pray some more for you and your son. Love ya Raquel!

LisaLisa said...

I want you to know that I am here for you and that you are loved.I think of you when I'm awake..I pray for you when I pray. I know that you are scared but you're not alone. When it becomes to overwelming just step back and breath. Paranoia is not a joke coming from someone who nursed for years with those who have suffered from Paranoia. It certainly and sometimes get better with some treatments or remission or with slight changes in medication. Hold on Raquel God will make a way for all this to be over soon for you and your son. If you need me please let me know. I love you so much!!!
Love You LisaLisa!!!!!

White Iris Designs said...

Sending you my thoughts and sending up friend. God promises not to give us more than we can handle..I am sure right now that can be hard to believe...but hold tight to that and know that you are loved very much...If there is anything you need please do not hesitate to ask.
I pray you & and your family have strength, understanding, patience, & peace.
Love to you...Raquel

raquel roysdon said...

Thank all of you for your kind words and prayers. It is really appreciated.